Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day everyone.

I've recorded a special audio message in honour of the occasion. EDIT: Tried Xanga Audio but it seems still to be in beta, and can't be embedded in a regular entry yet (bummer), so I've hosted it somewhere else.

Talking like a pirate is something I took up almost a decade ago, back in my outdoor theatre days. We used to do a maritime-themed show called James Cook: Letters and Logs (google it if you dare), and the constant silliness of the atmosphere, combined with the many performances a week, led our brains to become somewhat soft. We took to all sorts of ridiculous things including talking like pirates for an entire summer. It's still something I slip into very easily. So when I heard that there was a day devoted to bringing this most wonderful of practices into the realm of the general public, I just had to throw my support behind it.

Now I'm not of the school that uses the specialized vocabulary. Wenches, bottles of rum, bilge rats and poop decks are not likely to enter into my dialogue, though I've been know to throw in the word 'scurvy' from time to time. Instead, I simply talk as usual, but in a dreadfully broad pirate accent. To me, this seems most fun, though purists might disagree.

Take care
-J-

5 years ago today, I became a husband. These past 5 years have been wonderful and terrible, full of ups and downs, highs and lows, supporting and being supported. Marriage is a wonderful thing, both from an individual and a societal point of view. Being so inextricably responsible to another person is excellent training for the kind of perspective we need in order to fix the dire ills that are plaguing humanity. It's about placing someone else's needs above your own, but also trusting that they will do the same. The balance isn't always there -- sometimes one person is taking out a lot more than they're able to give -- but it always comes around.

So here's to marriage!

Take care
-J-

You have to pay them to get where you want to go. Your destination strongly affects what your outlay will be, though an almost infinite variety of circumstances can (and usually do) conspire to send us hurtling down paths we might never have anticipated.  Dues come in many forms - financial, physical, emotional... In many walks of life, it's considered gauche to succeed without having paid them. We're supposed to start at the bottom and work our way up, battling all manner of adversity, in order to reach whatever pinnacle we're aiming for. Though each walk of life has its own unique demands, some dues are fairly universal. We're talking long hours, lousy conditions, unsympathetic or downright sadistic bosses, pitiful pay, and zero recognition. Hard work. Blood, sweat and tears.

Most of us feel downright indignant when someone jumps the queue and achieves success overnight or without effort. I wish it could be bottled, because I could use a few drops of whatever it is that enables certain individuals to (seemingly, at least) hop straight on the non-stop express to where they want to go. The people who know at age 5 exactly what they want to be when they grow up, and then just... do that. Then there are the people we meet who stumble inadvertently into abrupt success in a field we've been working our butts off to break into for years.

I'm having a hard enough time just figuring out what my desired future might be, and that's undoubtedly part of my problem. It's really not so easy to get to an unknown destination. I think that even though we often don't know exactly where we're going, we have a pretty defined idea of where we don't want to go. We know what's wrong, but have trouble focusing on what's right. For me, my failures have always stood glaringly out in buzzing neon lights, while my successes (and their possible ripple effects) tend to be more ambiguous, like photocopied flyers buried at the bottom of a drawer.

Another problem is that I've paid a bunch of different kinds of dues. I've paid playing-in-shitty-bars-to-unappreciative-crowds dues, teaching-little-kids-in-another-country dues, heavy-physical-labour dues... If they were all dues of the same type, then perhaps I'd be further ahead. Perhaps we need some sort of dues collective or co-op, allowing individuals to pool their karmic resources. We could contribute the dues unrelated to our goals, and withdraw more relevent credibility.

But then again, perhaps that kind of trade would turn out to be a trade-off. Though it frustrates me sometimes that my various efforts have yet to add up to something as substantial as I might like, there still aren't any of them that I would want to give up. I take great pride in being well-rounded, and I tend to operate on the idea that if I can just get rounded enough, I'll eventually start rolling. There have been many words, both positive and negative, used to describe this kind of existence: Jack of All Trades (and master of none), Renaissance Man, Polymath, Impractical Head-In-The-Clouds Dreamer Who Can't Just Bite The Bullet And Join The Real World...

Oh well. Give me my irrelevent experience any day. There's more to life than the physical, measurable, practical yardstick against which we're told to measure our success. I think all our dues are only pretending to be unrelated. Underneath -- or perhaps far above -- it all, I think it all feeds into something far more important than that. We've got our eye on the wrong prize. Now the only trick is to figure out how to get where we're going without knowing where exactly that is...

Take care
-J-

Just on our way out the door to see Snakes On A Plane. Should be fun   And as we watch, I'll be constantly distracted by the fact that a good friend of mine just bought the shirt that Samuel L Jackson wears in the movie. No, not one that's similar or a shirt with Jackson's picture on it, but the actual shirt. Charity auction.

Personal blog soon to come. Hope you're all well.

Take care
-J-

What a Difference a Year Makes
or
Time Flies When You're Having Fun

Today (August 1st, though the entry says 2nd since I seem to be posting after midnight) marks the one-year anniversary of my father's death. I knew that this day would come quickly, but I can quite honestly say that it's difficult to believe that 12 months have passed. In case you hadn't guessed, my titles above are meant somewhat sarcastically.

It's been... a year. My first instinct is to say that it's been a stupid, useless, crappy, wasted year. But that woudn't tell the whole story. There have undoubtedly been some good and positive things, though they're hard to focus on since the year as a whole didn't really go anything like I might have hoped. For each negative aspect, I'm sure there's a positive one. I stayed in this job I hate and didn't really make much progress toward the life I eventually want to happen, but I also kept the bills paid and began clearing out some debt (not much, but a little). I'm still living in this city I'm not particularly attached to, but I'm slowly learning to like bits of it. I'm still far from my family, but I had a wonderful trip to visit them...

My father wouldn't want me to be miserable. He himself wasn't always able to figure out where he wanted to be or how to get there, so at least I'm in good company   I keep trying my best to get back to being human. I've started writing again, I've been researching schooling and potential career choices, I get semi-regular haircuts... Not all the steps are big ones, but I'm trying to learn to take my progress where I can get it.

Anyhow, though the heat may not let me sleep, I should at least try going to bed. Time is slowly healing this empty place in my heart, but my self-induced exhaustion isn't helping. So here's a little hello and I love you to my dearly departed Daddy. Wish you were here.

Take care
-J-

Just an ordinary entry today. The horribly hot and humid weather continues -- 42 degrees with the humidex (that's 108F). With no air conditioner, we basically suffer it out in front of the fans and pray for it to cool off soon. The apartment gets no through breeze at all, so we try our best to induce a little artificial ventilation whenever possible.

My mother and brothers are in Halifax this week, visiting with my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I'm toying with the idea of a trip there in the fall, since I haven't been to Halifax since just before Korea (September 2002). I'm out of vacation time, so it would be an unpaid leave, so I have no idea how I would work it out with my place of employment. Speaking of places of employment, I've recently run out of patience with certain aspects of company policy and have actively engaged myself in attempting to get some of them changed. I've actually been meeting with some success, though not, of course, as much as I might like...

The big upcoming event for me is the annual Mill Race Folk Festival, where, for the third year, I'll be doing MC sessions introducing the acts. One of my slots is the closing 3 hours on the mainstage, so that's exciting. The other big event is something I'll write about tomorrow.

So that's a quick update. Hope all is well in your world.

Take care
-J-

Tuesday Edit: Today the temperature's up to a remarkably unpleasant 48 degrees (119F) with the humidex, so that even sitting still is a sweaty business. I think that after breakfast, we'll escape to somewhere air conditioned and hide out there for a while. Thankfully, the forecast is for cooler weather by the time the folk festival rolls around on the weekend.

Music, both the listening and the making, excites me. All day long, I have music running through my head, be it my own tunes or the songs of my favourite artists. Though my collection encompasses a wide range of styles, I'm not indiscriminate. In fact, I'm extremely picky in my tastes, partly because of financial reasons (I can't afford to buy many CDs) but mostly because for an album to be worth my while it really has to connect. Though I'm constantly searching for new and exciting listening material, there are certain artists whose releases I eagerly await. This summer and fall there are new works due to arrive from several of my favourites:

Amelia Curran: War Brides - This one will be the first to arrive, with an official release date of August 8th (and an early chance for lucky folks in Newfoundland, where she'll be touring just before that). Her first album was folky, the second rock with a horn section, the third was late-night jazzy blues... What I've heard of War Brides so far has echoes of Tom Waits, Johnny Cash's American albums, and all sorts of other goodness. And just in case that wasn't enough, she's planning a late fall release with the Mercy Band! From their live show, I'm guessing it will be rock-based. At the moment, it's called Academy...

Bert Jansch: The Black Swan - This giant of British folk is still making compelling music more than 40 years in, though not necessarily consistently. His 2000 album Crimson Moon was a lot of fun, and brought about quite a renaissance of critical and popular acclaim. But 2002's Edge Of A Dream was less inspired. Both were recorded by him in his home studio, but while with the former it was a good thing, with the latter it was a liability. On the upcoming album, scheduled for an autumn release, he's working with an outside producer (Noah Georgeson), and I'm hoping that this will free him up to focus on the music rather than the process of putting the album together.

Beck: as yet untitled -  I leap all over any new release from Beck. His last album, Guero, I found a little distant, largely due to the production. With this new release he's worked again with Nigel Goderich, which is promising. Very excited to hear this, because when a Beck album really grabs me, it just won't let go. First song is streaming on his site.

Okay, I've run out of steam. Those are the three that pop to mind. There are other potential ones on the horizon (Leonard Cohen, Keren Ann) but with no real details available I'm better to leave them for a future post.

Take care
-J-

Back when the winter was gathering
Iceknives sharpening for fingertips
Crescent and wave
Inescapable progressing brevity
We cowered in doorways
Courting expansion
Penny catalogues of curb and gutter
What once gripped began to slide
A volley overhead
Smells of burnt plastic and pine
Resolved to the unrepeatable

But all that contracts must expand
New faces now peer from the entries
Yellow lawns to tend
Songsmoke settles by the harbour
Grows strong
Reaches wider
Brought to bear in full circle
A certain uncertainty made good
Taken beyond the poor west
What warm corner now
For the wayside countryman
Keeping watch on the road
From a hillside removed?

Ever notice how the longer you don't do something, the longer you don't do something? It's inertia, the object at rest diplaying that disturbing tendency to stay at rest. I used to be an object in motion, and I aspire to be so again. It feels like I have bedsores on my soul. So here I am again, trying to shake things up and find the right combination of inspirations to shake off this moss and get me rolling again.

Since I last wrote, glaciers have spread and receded, new species evolved, stars cooled... But here I go, boldly casting off the shackles of Newton's 1st Law and leaping forward into a new era of weblog domination! Or something like that. As much as I can wish for some sort of radical departure, I'm placing my hopes on more incremental advancement. A two-week vacation at home with my family in Newfoundland helped to lift my mood, though it didn't offer all the clarification I might have hoped for. I'm starting to write again, thinking about performance opportunities for the songs, contests for stories, topics for guest columns in the paper. I'm giving more and more thought to exactly what kind of further education I'm going to pursue. I'm trying desperately not to melt in this heat which promises only to get hotter.

Assorted other events have come and gone and left their particular mark. A strike at work was narrowly averted thanks to the adoption a couple of weeks ago of a new 4-year contract. It's not a particularly great contract, but I'll be long gone from this job before it's time to negotiate a new one. I also bought a new hard drive last week, which then proceded to die after 3 or 4 days, taking all my music with it.

As you can probably also see, I've been enjoying my new camera (the R818). Photography is the only visual art with which I have any talent. Obviously, I'm liking the close focus abilities of this one. Digital is really very civilized -- I took several hundred shots on my vacation, and a bunch of video, all without having to worry about the cost of film or developing.

In the weeks ahead, I'm hoping to tackle some themed entries. I'd like to talk about some of the Xangans I read, show you some pictures and video from my job and my trip to Newfoundland. Who knows what else I might inflict on you! I'm doing my best to be cheerful and optimistic, and some days it works and some days it doesn't. When work is bad, I feel like I'll never be able to crawl out of this tarpit I've walked into, but when I get glimpses of a bright future, suddenly there's hope and light. A strange balancing act.

Thanks for reading.

Take care
-J-

Hello all

Well, Ayyam-i-ha went really well. The package I sent my family arrived in time, and they seemed to enjoy their gifts. One of the defining characteristics of this year's celebration was gluttony . The second night we were treated to a great meal of viet-thai at Pho Ben Thanh (I had curried goat), the third night we stuffed our faces at the Mongolian Grill, and the last night we enjoyed some lovely Korean food at Nagano. Such a wealth of delicious vittles...

I'll quickly mention that my days off did change at work (I'm off Mondays and Tuesdays now), and that therefore the training job I enjoy so much will now be 1 day a week or less, so my satisfaction level just dropped back down to pretty much where it was before. Oh well. I've had an opportunity pointed my way by a friend. I'm considering it, though I'm not entirely sure. It's bilingual customer service for a prominient company in their hearing health segment. It would be an improvement over this job in a number of ways, though I don't know what it pays and it would involve being on the phone all day, which is something I'm not that enthusiastic about. Dunno. Change is hard for me.

My trip to Toronto was great. The Cadillac Lounge, where Amelia was showcasing, is a great little bar. She and her band were clearly the best of the 5 on offer that night. Afterward, we all wandered to another place and then to a friend's post-industrial loft, where we sang and chatted until the sun cleared the horizon and we scattered to the winds. A very pleasant evening --  great music, new people to meet, and a chance to catch up a bit with an old friend. There should more evenings like that. Unfortunately, none of the pictures taken with my crappy disposable camera came out, so you'll just have to fill in the visuals youselves.

And finally, I'll mention that it's a few days into the annual Baha'i period of fasting. No food or drink between sunrise and sunset. There are exceptions for things like heavy labour, so I do eat on my workdays because I just burn too many calories to work safely otherwise. But on weekend days like this, it's the full deal. Oddly, it's not the hunger that gets me, but rather the realization that I structure a huge amount of my time around food. Without the goal of a cup of coffee, or the munchability of some snack food, I find it much more difficult to figure out what to do with my time...

Anyhow, that's a little update. Less than a month apart, too! What's the world coming to?

Take care
-J-