It's Thursday, and we left Cambridge on Monday, so I guess that makes this day 4. We've covered a lot more ground than straight line distance, but that's okay. I'm currently sitting at a picnic table at a campsite on the outskirts of Ottawa, and using wifi while camping is definitely a first for me. Then again, this campground is a far cry from the Gros Morne ones I'm used to. Oh well. We're camping this trip at least partly because it's far cheaper than staying in motels, especially with the dog and the guinea pigs

Our first stop was at the Warsaw Caves Conservation Area, where we spent an enjoyable few hours exploring the lanscape and crawling around underground. They're certainly pretty amateur caves, but lots of fun, and a great price. Price is important. Here we are outside between caves, with our little headlamps on.

Using the timer, long exposures and some creative headlamp placement, I managed to get a couple of shots of us underground.

After the caves, we headed off to Beachburg to visit some wonderful friends, where we spent a day and a bit lazing around in the country, eating good food, having good conversations, and generally unwinding from the last couple of stressful months. They're always a joy to visit, and well worth the detour.

From Beachburg, we headed eastish into Quebec. In case you're ever there, let me warn you that the area around Val-Des-Monts contains some of the most bizarre road design I've ever encountered. We went from being ahead of schedule to being woefully behind. Thankfully, the friendly folks at Aventure Lafleche managed to fit us into a later time block. We hiked through the treetops, zipped down ziplines, and generally had a fantastic time. Highly recommended.

Anyhow, I've been typing for way too long. Time to get back out there and have some more adventures

Take care
-J-

Well, it's finally time. We're running a few days behind our original plan, but that's about par for the course with us. Moving doesn't come naturally to us, and other things happen that can't be helped. Such is life. But now the car is packed, the bulk of our belongings are in a storage locker soon to be picked up by the moving company, and the road beckons.

Plans for various stops have come and gone, so it remains to be seen what we'll actually see as we go, but there are people to visit and fun things to try. Just my lovely wife and I, the dog, and the two guinea pigs, rolling down the highway in the trusty Saturn wagon.

I'm hoping to find wifi spots along the road, and keep a steady stream of pictures and video flowing for anyone who's interested in our little journey. And awaaaaaaay we go!

Take care
-J-

Yes, that's right, I am now officially unemployed. After almost 5 years at my less-than-ideal job, I'm finally freeeeeee! Saturday was my last day at the warehouse, and here's hoping that that particular chapter of my life is now closed. I'm certainly not claiming that nothing good came out of it -- I learned a lot, I kept in shape, I met interesting people and definitely furthered my studies into the wide variety of human nature that exists out there. My creativity tends to come out more during periods of misery, so I got some good songs out of it before I just became too overwhelmed. I'll miss driving cool industrial vehicles, but I won't miss the sore back or the bureaucracy, or the feeling that I was going nowhere fast.

That being said, once we arrive in Newfoundland, I may well be working a shift or two a week at the branch out there. While I'd probably prefer to make a clean break, the reality is that I'll need to be working, and having something lined up beforehand helps to reduce the stress.  If I'm lucky, I can then move on to some work more closely related to my interests and skills. A lot of my incredibly talented artistic friends live in St. John's, and I'm hoping to get back into the music/theatre community in some way. The new Ticklish Brother album will hopefully be ready for a fall or winter release, so that'll give me something to hawk

We've got just 2 or 3 more days left in Cambridge before we start off on a two-week road trip. We'll be meandering our way eastward, camping, seeing some sights, and visiting people, then arriving in NL at the beginning of September. I start in at MUN on the 8th!  More about the road trip soon!

Take care
-J-

This morning on my way to work, it was raining pretty hard. I was running late, and was a rather frustrated to find myself stuck behind a truck doing 10 below the limit. This person, in their 4x4, drove cautiously along, slowing for railway tracks and potholes... and then breezed right through a 4-way stop intersection without even slowing down.

I can hear the cicadas outside as I sit here sipping coffee and trying to get moving with all the things I have to do. The floor is covered with boxes, the shelves all stand half-empty, and in less than 2 weeks, this apartment will be somebody else's home.

My wife is halfway across the country, in the city of our destination, looking so far without success for an apartment for us there. One way or another, we're leaving Cambridge and moving to St. John's. I'm finally ditching this job that's been killing me, and going back to university. While my mind is still filled with a million worries and doubts, just the act of changing things fundamentally is worth the doing, even if it doesn't work out the way I plan.  Vitality in my life has always come from movement. Stasis, especially in depressing circumstances, brings nothing but more stasis and despair.

I have so many hopes and dreams, as do we all. But these past 5 years have kind of robbed me of the ability to figure out how I might get from here to there. In approaching this move I'm still flying blind in that department, but I'm taking a leap of faith. Even though I don't always feel it, I know in my heart that I'm still the as capable and interesting as I ever was (whatever that means) and that I can reclaim for myself a life that is full of things I enjoy.

And so I return to my endless To Do list, trying to cross off as many every day as I can. My wife is terrified that she'll get back here and find the apartment exactly as she left it, so I have to make sure that's not the case . Bits and pieces, tasks and appointments, moments and memories, and a light at the end of the tunnel.

Take care
-J-

I hate moving.

I don't mean the type that involves limbs or wheels, as in the basic changing of position. I enjoy walking, waving my arms, rolling around. Rather, I hate the kind of moving that involves boxing up all your crap and somehow shipping it somewhere else.

If you're fairly settled into a place, and are only moving to a new apartment or house within the same city, things can be relatively simple. There are friends who can help, pickup trucks you can borrow, and only short distances to contend with. You don't necessarily have to box things up nearly as thoroughly, and as long as you have access to the new place beforehand you can even spread the process over a period of days or weeks. Total cost can be as little as gas and pizza.

The move I'm looking at, however, is the across-the-country variety. Several thousand kilometers separate my wife and I from our destination. Our primary obstacle is currently that it's proving very difficult to find an apartment where we're going. The rental market there is extremely tight, and we're not good at putting up with dumpish digs since we spend the majority of our time at home. Once that pesky little detail is dealt with, we'll need to figure out how we plan to get our worldly possessions almost 4000 clicks down the highway. The quotes we're getting back so far are all in the range of 6 weeks' salary, which is waaaaay outside our financial means. We've resigned ourselves to leaving the majority here, but a lot still needs to come with us.

Some people can live in a spartan manner. Not in the Battle of Thermopylae sense, but in the way they can avoid accumulating material goods. My wife and I, on the other hand, have a great ability to fill our living space with stuff. In addition to furniture, there just ends up being all kinds of things that we don't want to part with. If you're amassed a collection of, say. hard-to-find books, how can you leave them behind?  And what does one do about the myriad objects with sentimental attachment? Even setting aside all these issues, there's still the not-insignificant task of fitting it all into boxes.

Part of me would like to be the guy on the commercial, who flies with an empty suitcase and a Mastercard. But the reality is that I'm both attached to my stuff, and too poor to replace it if I have to leave it behind. If I don't ship my bookshelves, CDs, bed, freezer, etc,  I'll have to buy new ones, and I can't afford that. And with garage sales landing perhaps 5 cents on the dollar, we can't monetize what we don't take.

Anyhow, just needed to vent, I guess. I know it'll all work out somehow. I just with I could throw money at the problem and make it go away. "Hey, moving company? Please come to my house, pack my stuff, and lug it to the following address. Here's my credit card". Sigh.

Take care
-J-

The rabble-rousing voices overhead
Declare the veins of gold to huddle scared
While those who should have known the path they led
Pressed through the twilight boastful and impaired
We see the flowers grayly bloom in dust
The robin sings no hunger to rejoice
For reason smiles only when it must
Thus seek we every crimson mirrored choice

So gather shattered pieces where they lie
For time shall build from them a brighter sky

I dreamed last night that I was back at my family's house. My father was there, and since I knew that he shouldn't be, I told him how wonderful it was to see him, and hugged him for a long time. All over the house, every available tupperware container (without lids, of course) held guinea pigs of various colours and ages, and more still were roaming free. Back in the real world, I tossed and turned and coughed my way through the night, then called in sick to work.

It's been an odd year. Back in March, I had an unexpected health adventure, which had me off work for a couple of months, and it took quite a while after that to get back to whatever normal is. It's really only the past couple of months that I've been getting back to myself, and other than a few highlights, most of 2008 has made very little impression on my memory. I'm trying to be at peace with that, especially since there's nothing to be done about it.

And so here I am, in the last couple of weeks of December, embroiled in the process of getting myself on the go again. I'll spare you the gory details, but my efforts consist mostly of making peace with this job I dislike so much, acquiring some new gear which will enable me to start making things again, reestablishing some professional credibility in my areas of expertise, and getting ready for next year's return to university. Over the past few weeks I've gotten the chance to visit with several old friends -- friends who are making a living doing what they love. It's not always a great living, but it's reminding me that there's a balance for me somewhere. I have much more to offer than my current situation allows me to express, but I feel hopeful that I can find a way.

It seems like I'm always starting again lately   Here's hoping for a moratorium on monkey wrenches for the next while.

Take care
-J-

I'm feeling rather excited. In a few hours, I will be sitting in a nice theatre, watching the legendary Leonard Cohen perform. It's not an opportunity I thought I would ever have, so even though tickets were more than I've ever spent on a show before, there wasn't a moment's hesitation over whether or not I would go. I even sprung for good seats (though the venue is fairly small, so even the worst seats are pretty darn good).

Cohen's music has been very important to me since... I think it was the summer of 1991. My parents and brothers and I were visiting my aunt and uncle in Nova Scotia. They lived in an old post house, with amazing solid 16" boards as mouldings. It was unbelievably, stiflingly hot that week. Even now, I don't deal well with the heat, but when I was younger I was just toast. The heat made me claustrophobic and panicky and cranky. It also didn't help that I burn almost instantly. So I spent a lot of our time there sitting inside, moving as little as possible and sweating profusely. Much of that time was spent in front of their stereo, headphones on, completely mesmerized by the sound of Leonard Cohen. From the first moment I popped one of the unfamiliar CDs into the player, I was hooked. Later, my grandmother took me to England in the spring of 1992. It was a fantastic trip, and I returned to Canada with one 20-dollar bill to my name. I used that twenty to buy the just-released album The Future, on cassette.

I had originally planned to go back to university this fall. I was accepted, but due to an assortment of issues financial, emotional and logistical, that's going to have to wait another year. I'm disappointed, but the decision has been made and I need to make the best of the coming year. I've been back at work for two weeks now, and it took no time at all to settle back into my antipathy and exhaustion. I'll need to do something about that. But the weather is lovely, I'm relatively healthy, and if I can just focus on the possibilities of life instead of the problems, then I can take back control and get the good times rolling again.

Okeedokee. I'd better get ready. Don't want some unexpected snag to keep me from getting to the show in plenty of time. I'm so excited!!!

Take care
-J-

P.S. A big congratulations to Byron and his lovely wife, on the birth of their beautiful daughter, Ava.

Hi all.

Well, May is underway, and a third of the year is already behind us. Most of us have had at least a taste of warmer weather, even if it's still the exception rather than the rule. Despite some obstacles, I've felt my spirits lift a little. The longer hours of daylight, the fresh green, and the meaphor of rebirth which somehow manages to creep inside and start sprouting in my mind.

It's been an odd few months. First some meaningless financial setbacks appeared out of the blue, bringing oodles of stress and adding to the weight of debt we've been lugging around. Then, with some major decisions ahead of me, I decided to knuckle down and seek some medical aid in getting myself back into proper mental condition to be the best me I can be (as it were). However, one extremely rare complication and a brush with death later, I'm face to face with those decisions and finding myself much less prepared than I had hoped.

But I shouldn't complain, and I generally try and keep that to a minimum. It just that writing about this stuff in various places and ways helps me to organize my thoughts. I know that in the grand scheme of things I have it very good. There's food and shelter, work to do (once the doctor clears me to go back), and I still possess the skills I need to live my life to the fullest, even if putting those skills to use is easier said than done. I'm still overcome by caution, though more and more of me cries out for strategic risks

And so, my main battle plan has been to make progress in as many little ways as possible. If I'm going to raise the derelict wreck of my potential from the ocean floor, patch it up and get it sailing again, I need to get myself in ship shape . My body gets plenty of exercise, so it's my intellectual and emotional muscles I've been focusing on. I've been taking lots of pictures, constantly trying to improve my skills. Though I'm mired in a complete songwriting morass, I've been buying lots of new music, soaking up as much variety of instrumentation, structure and perspective as I can, so that even if I'm not building I'm at least keeping the tools sharpened and oiled. I've been staying out in front of audiences, with public speaking and musical gigs, and am pleased to see steady improvement along those lines. I've started commenting on stories at the CBC website, getting back into the swing of reasoned, persuasive debate. I've even stated reading again, which used to be an integral part of my life and has been much missed.

And although I've been away from Xanga, you've been in my thoughts -- insurance adjusters and their roadtrips, grandmothers dining on the coast, teachers going above and beyond, tropical island booksellers, artistic computing wunderkinds, and many other wise folks making their way through this world. Pieces of what you share here find their way into all sorts of parts of my world, helping me patch up the cracks and keep smiling.

Also, thanks to the generous help of a friend, my wife and I have become car owners! It's a 2000 Saturn wagon, and it's far nicer than we had ever expected our first car would be. On the visiting front, Byron came to stay for a few days, and he and I, along with our friends Lindy and Simon, went to see the totally awesome Evil Dead: The Musical. In my grubby little mitts I have tickets to see Leonard Cohen in June and Richard Thompson in July. I've also been steadily adding to my collection of video footage at Youtube. It's mostly shots from concerts I've been to, with a few other interesting tidbits mixed in.

So yes, by most measures, life is good. All I need to do in the next week is see three different doctors and try to iron out all the paperwork and timing concerning my return to work, and decide whether I'm going back to university in the fall, or staying here another year. Piece of cake

Hope you're all doing well. I'll try to get around and visit over the next few days, between the jigs and the reels.

Take care
-J-

 P.S. I must inflict upon you a terrble joke I picked up somewhere years ago, and only get one chance a year to inflict on others. And it never works anyway.

What's the date?
May the 4th.
Well, may the fourth be with you.

Terrible Star Wars joke. My apologies. My only excuse is that I didn't make it up.