I'm kind of overwhelmed by the quantity of work that needs doing between now and a tentative mid-August departure date. It's staggering, and involves everything to do with my regular life (which I don't necessarily feel up to) PLUS the weird things specific to acquiring an ESL job (getting transcripts, notarized copies of my degree, contacting organizations, researching cities, contract negotiations..........), PLUS the ever-joyous task of preparing to move out of my house, store my stuff, and move with two suitcases halfway around the world. I feel exhausted just contemplating it, and whenever I get something done, it doesn't seem like the pile has gotten any smaller.

But I am getting excited.

It's a scary undertaking. I've never been a super-confident teacher, though I do have a lot of skills applicable to that endeavour, and I'm hoping that this experience will give me teaching confidence. I regard teaching as one of the highest professions to which one can aspire, so... I'd like to be able to do it better

But on we go, putting pieces together, making inquiries, mailing pieces of paper all over the place...

Take care
-J-

Well, that's it.

Or at least, it seems to be.

The descision appears to have been made for Crista and I to move overseas to teach ESL.

Things just aren't going to be workable here right now.

I'm irritated because I'm being forced into something I'd realy like to do voluntarily. I want to go overseas for a while. I'm sure it'll be fabulous. But I'm finding myself resenting it for the same reason one gets turned off a great book taught in a bad English class...

But I'm really tired right now. More tomorrow perhaps.

Take care
-Justin-

Well, some have asked things along the lines of "why Korea?".

Well, we'd move to Korea to teach ESL. Actually, I'd be able to teach, while my wife would volunteer full time with some kind of international aid organization (a work visa requires a Bachelor's degree, which she doesn't have, though she has 4 years of university...)

The advantages of teaching ESL are both the adventure of it and the financial side of it. It pays relatively well, and extremely well compared to any of our current prospects. To put it mildly, this town is an economic craphole for young people.

But it doesn't look like we'll be going this September (though maybe...), since we've decided to try one more time to capitalize on all the work I've put into cultural/artistic connections and activities here. There's a brand new company that I think is going to be huge, and I'm in on the ground floor. If I leave, I know full well that it will do fantastically and that I'll have to put up with yet another thing I could have been in on but wasn't. So we're staying, at least for now. That's my little concession to my dreams.

Crista's concession to her dreams is going to be hooking up with one of these international organizations, do some fundraising, and toddle off somewhere in the world for a couple of months of volunteering, perhaps as early as September.

So here we are, broke and in debt, unemployed, and still trying to follow our dreams. Some might call it ridiculous, but oh well. We're young. Why worry about it. We have plenty of years to make up for any wrong steps we make right now. I still really want to do a year or more of ESL some time, but right now I need to explore my artistic options...

On the more reality-based side of things, we both put in resumes today at Walmart. Sigh. Not condusive to happiness or grand visions. But condusive to paying rent while we figure out our gameplan.

So yes, life is exciting and we are very lucky. But, thanks to the joys of human nature, it certainly doesn't fell that way. It's hard to focus on the potential when the current situation ($40000 in debt, Mastercard maxed out, unemployed and not enough money to pay rent right now, let alone bills) is so unrelentingly annoying.

But that's the trick of life. Hold fast to your dreams. Don't let them go. And don't let other people tell you what your priorities should be.

Take care
-Justin-

Might be putting out a new Ticklish Brother CD.
Might be recording 2 others.
Might be doing a month-long documentary/musical tour thing.
Might be obtaining stock in a fast-rising company.

OR

Might be moving to Korea.

Sigh.

More later

Take care
-J-

Last night, I got a call about 6pm from a woman at CBC. She asked if I'd be able to play today, for about an hour, from 6 to 7. I said sure, why not.

So I was up all night putting together a repertoire, since I generally don't perform solo. I went to bed around 5:30am, and before I could even get to sleep, the phone started ringing. I let the machine get it the first two times, but on the third call, my wife got up and answered it.

It was the CBC lady. It turns out that she meant 6 to 7 AM, (though she didn't mention that on the phone), and I was half an hour late.

sigh.

So we got ready and were in a cab and away in 12 minutes.

The show went well, though I didn't get to entertain people before my stint on the radio. I sang the weather report, backed a jazz singer in a rendition of Blue Moon, played a new Ticklish Brother song called Children And Dogs, then played instrumental background for the signout. Fun.

Unfortunately, I look like the irresponsible one. I admit that punctuality has not always been my strong suit. But this time, it wasn't my fault. So I have to try and find a way to get that message across. I also have to get my cheque without them feeling hard done by because I didn't work what was originally planned.

Morning radio is fun. It would have been nice to have more than 12 hours notice though...

Sigh.

A tinker a tailor
A surrogate driver
Two wheels and one brake
Three wheels and four brakes
Three weeks and two voices
Six strings and ten fingers
Six ears and two agendas
What's in can be out
What's half can be more
What's more could be less
The still may move again
The time may ripen like apples
Choosing to pluck apples
Branches dangle and sway in the wind
Whispers are silent and carried on the wind
Sounds of leaves bring the spring with them
One is two
Two is three
More can be less or more
The very same can be different.

A little rant (CAUTION, the word "little" should be taken with a grain of salt)

This evening as I was watching the news, I saw two news stories which, in very different ways, revealed that some things have gone very wrong with our systems and our mentalities. One was sad, and one was just ridiculous, and both demonstrated the very skewed perspective with which we have come to view our world.

The first story was that of four Canadian soldiers killed yesterday in Afghanistan, by "friendly fire". Basically, through some failure of communication, at least one American fighter jet dropped a 500 pound bomb on a Canadian regiment conducting a training exercise. It will be interesting to see how things shake down, since this was ground-fire exercise being conducted in a well-known and well-used training area. But I’m not here to crap on those involved. It was human error, and someone will eventually receive some kind of repercussion from it. I feel sad for the families of those killed, and for those who eventually take the heat for it.

This story, however, strikes me as odd for several small reasons. The weirdest thing for me is that somehow war has evolved in people’s mentalities as being casualty-free. It used to be that enlisting in military organizations brought with it the reasonable expectation of the possibility for injury or death. Now, 4 soldiers die and everyone is baffled. Around the world in military conflicts, dozens, hundreds, and thousands of people are killed. Sometimes, in just a day or two, more people are killed in a particular conflict than there were American casualties in the entire Gulf War (just over 140, of which 30-some were friendly fire). The fact that only a dozen or so North Americans have dies in Afghanistan is fascinating to me. Less of us have died there than suicide bombers in Israel. I have a great respect for those who choose military service, but I think they and the rest of us are being done a disservice by this portrayal of war as safe. Just a few decades ago during WWII, there were assaults where in the first 30 seconds, more people were killed than the total American Gulf War casualties. I mourn for those who have died, but we must not lose sight of how ridiculously far we have come.

Alright. Enough death. Now, on a lighter note...

On the local news, I was presented with an example of the media turning a mountain into a molehill, and of how the Official Opposition has largely been reduced to criticizing silly things that are nevertheless popular. You see, recently our province added a $3 recycling fee onto the purchase price of each new tire. This fee helps fund programs to keep the thousands and thousands and thousands of tires sold annually from ending up in roadside ditches or stockpiled in unsafe piles. Fine. Sounds like a good idea to me. If I had a car, I wouldn’t mind paying it. Considering how frickin’ expensive it is to own and maintain a car, $12 is nothing. (My main gripe: all cars now have ornamental bumper covers made of plastic. The damn things cost a thousand bucks to replace, and they serve no purpose. I really and truly believe they were added purely as a rip-off. But I digress). The news lambasted the new fee for a few days, but that furor has finally settled down.

So. We have the $3/tire fee. Now what the news exposed tonight, however, was a heinous act being perpetrated by the government: There’s HST (Harmonized Sales Tax) on that fee, which if you buy a new car means you’ll be paying a whopping $2.25 more (4 tires + the spare). SAINTS PRESERVE US! TWO DOLLARS AND TWENTY-FIVE CENTS??? My lord. I could afford that $20000 new car before, but that extra couple of bucks just puts it out of my reach. I mean, that’s an extra one hundredth of a percent! Give me a huge break. Bullpoop. It’s two bucks. Really, is anyone who’s buying a brand new car really worried about $2.25? No. Of course not. Then we were treated to a member of the Opposition being absolutely outraged. He was outraged (or so he said). He said that this was the most ridiculous, lowdown, money-grubbing thing any government had ever perpetrated in the history of humanity. And do you know what? That’ll win him popularity. There are people so shortsighted and unreasonable that they would be outraged at that $2.25. And that’s sad.

Just imagine if they gave some thought to how much they’re paying the Opposition to be mortally offended on their behalf! I’d bet it’s more than $2.25.

Take care

-Justin-

Hi all

It doesn't seem like I've been around here much does it. Hmm. I've been lurking. and leaving the occasional comment here and there, but on the whole, I just haven't been around.

Oh well.

So. Things. Things have been reasonably good. The trip to St John's was great. My hotel room had a king-size bed and 3 telephones! We played our songs and they seemed to be well-received, though it was harder to tell since this time the audience lights were completely off, so it was like performing into a vast pool of oil or something. But oh well. We also did a bunch of shooting for Byron's ongoing schlock horror movie Blood Hat = Dead Head (it's about a sombrero that goes around killing people and/or turning them into zombies). Fun. We got footage of me strangling Lorne Elliott, and also of the hat killing Jim Payne and Glenn Downey of Sods and Rhymes. Unfortunately, they broadcast our segment only a week after the fact, so we missed it and didn't get to tell anyone to listen. Sigh. But oh well...

On another front, I've set myself a little personal goal: I want to go to Europe with my wife next February. I know that might sound dumb or frivolous, but oh well. We're not well off, but since we don't smoke or drink or buy anything much (music is my main vice), we should be able to scrape together the dough once we're both working again. I'm thinking of starting in England and showing her the places I've been, then moving on to Holland, Germany and Denmark, then South to the Greek isles. I dunno. It's all extremely undecided of course, since right at present we're really poor. But hey. Goals are good

I'd write more, but it's nearly 5am, and any reasonable person would be in bed many many hours ago. Oh well. More tomorrow, perhaps.

Take care
-Justin-

Hi all

Thanks for the encouraging words in the recent days. It;s been difficult, but weère getting through it. I have a pretty broad perspective on life, so I;m doing a pretty good job of not letting it get me down. One of the next hurdles will be telling my parents. They;re always very supporting and loving, but it will sound disapointing to my mother unless I phrase it properly.

Had people over today for a potluck lunch to comemorate Bahai new year. It was nice. Very relaxed, and a ton of fabulous food. I baked brownies and chocolate cookies, and made a big pot of chicken soup, and other people brought things like quiche, chiken, rice, and assorted desserts. Mmmmmmm. It was also the first time my father had visiteed our house. We only had the housewarming a few weeks ago, before which time the house was off limits due to its incomplete state (the password to get into the house was what a s**thole). So that was nice.

What I;m really excited about is my upcoming trip. 12 hours from now I;ll be on the bus to the airport, as I head off to St John;s for our performance on Saturday night. Working for CBC is Sweeeeeeeeet. They;re flying us in, putting us up in a swanky hotel, and paying pretty much all the incidental expenses. And paying us well And in exchange, we play 3 songs in front of about 1200 people, and then get broadcast to about 700000 others. Sounds like a great trade to me More details at the Ticklish Brother weblog.

So I;m going to go now, since I have a lot to do before then (including pesky things like packing and sleeping). I don;t know if I;ll be able to get online again before Sunday evening when I get back.

Wish me luck!

Take care
-Justin-

Ok, I'll mention a few things concerning the situation referred to in my previous post:

My beautiful and lovely and wonderful and capable and intelligent wife is not cut out for university. She's smart enough, and gets high grades, but temperamentally it doesn't suit her. She's kind of the opposite of me in that respect, since I've always loved school (well, the learning aspect anyway).

The past 6 months have not been kind to us, and the past 2 1/2 have been nasty. My wife started back doing courses in January. Unfortunately, the same time period has also included a number of medical problems, my unemployment, horrendous student loan problems, family illness, and other bits and pieces. The result has been that her studies dwindled and finally ground to a halt some weeks ago. She's been trying half-heartedly to soldier on, getting deferred exams and things. But this morning, the university called, and with a voice full of condescension declared her doctor's note to be insufficient and denied her deferals.

So. Here we are.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back. She's going to drop all but one course. This will have a number of repercussions:

- the student loan, which only just arrived (9 weeks late), will have to be at least partially returned (perhaps including the part we've spent on frivolous things like rent and food)

- Her academic record will suffer another blotch, which may represent a serious impediment in her plans to (eventually) get through the highly competitive admission process to the School of Social Work.

- At best, the student loan people will put her on academic probation for 12 months, during which time she will be ineligible for a loan even should she want to return to school.

- Our plans and timeline that we've worked on are null and void. We now have no idea what we'll do, where we'll go, when/if she'll ever take another stab at university....

There's also the nagging fact that her loan is now up to about $35000, with nothing to show for it, and 3 years more to get her degree when she eventually goes back.

I dunno. It's going to mean a humongous adjustment, and a lot of things are going to be quite difficult for a while. It doesn't bother me as much as it might, since we're young and it's certainly not the end of the world. But there's also something to be said for planning and reasonable certainties in life. It's another fight that I would rather not enter into right now. But oh well. As I said, here we are.

So yeah. That's where we are.

Anyhow, we have an early meeting with someone who's going to help us to cut free with the minimum amount of lasting academic and financial damage. Gotta get a snack and get some sleep. 'Night.

Take care
-J-