Hi all

Well, it's a good day, actually. The clouds continue to lift from our lives, and things are getting closer and closer to getting back to normal. And normal is good at this point. I'm feeling an enthusiasm for life that I haven't felt in awhile, and despite many remaining obstacles, our life is healing and moving closer to being under our guidance again.

I assisted in a lovely surprise for my wife and her parents. For a couple of weeks, I've been helping my brother-in-law arrange a whirlwind trip here. The deception has been fun, and got a bit complicated today when we ended up out of the house a lot longer than we expected, helping someone move house. Anyhow, my wife's brother arrived in Toronto last night, and got here to the house around 1:30 this afternoon. It worked out really well, and they're all thrilled to see him. It's been 3 years since they've seen him, and 4 or 5 since I have. It really is a quick trip (he has to leave again tomorrow afternoon) but it's still nice.

My job is going well, though because of various factors I'm not getting enough hours. If I was really responsible, I'd switch to a job with more hours, even though I wouldn't enjoy it as much. But I'm being selfish. I haven't had the chance to indulge my own desires much lately, so this is a small way to help smooth my life a bit. The guy I'm working for is nice, and he seems quite impressed by my work, which is good. When I agree to do a job, I do it to the very best of my ability, regardless of whether it's an intellectual (like teaching kids in Korea) or physical (my current job, lugging junk around a construction site).

I'm working on bringing my webpage skills up to modern standards, or at least less out of date. I'm building one for a musician friend of mine, Amelia Curran (that link is just her mp3 page, not the one I'm building). Actually I put up the mp3 page too. She's an amazing musician, and was just nominated for an ECMA for Female Artist Of The Year. However, she doesn't do internet stuff. So I'm helping her out. She doesn't know yet, since like many people, I'll go miles as a favour, but once it's an obligation I have more trouble motivating myself. But anyhow. It's looking really good, and I'm hoping to have it ready to go in the next few days. I'll let you guys take a look at it as soon as it's done.

Anyhow, we're going to head downtown for awhile. Hope you're all well and happy. Sorry I haven't had the chance to properly visit everyone's sites lately. I've had just barely enough brain power to keep reading them, but not quite enough to comment regularly. I'll try to remedy that as soon as possible.

Take care
-Justin-

I'm sore.

Ontario has at least one giant, glaring advantage over Newfoundland -- the fast availability of work. Now granted, it may not be the greatest work all the time, but it's still work. Those of you who have been around here a long time may remember the agonizing times my wife and I spent before moving to Korea. We just couldn't find work. We were even turned down at Walmart. Well, it's easier in Ontario.

I spent the day at a construction site, lugging bricks and lumber and garbage. It's something of a change from teaching, I'll admit, but it kept me busy all day, and it brings in a little money. I got it through a temp agency. Cambridge is rotten with them. I didn't even need my resume (which is still locked in the power-supply-less good computer). I just filled out a little form and had a job the next day. Their jobs run from a few days to a few weeks, generally, so I won't have any trouble staying employed, and I can look for something a little more interesting.

So, at least I'm working. It's one less thing to worry about, and hopefully it'll mean we won't have to borrow any more money. That would be nice. One more step toward getting our life back on track.

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted so soon after another post I'm going to go now and putter around, maybe go to the grocery store, work on some webpages I'm building (I'm trying to acquaint myself with more recent developments in web technology), and generally try to avoid using my poor muscles too much. Thanks for visiting.

Take care
-Justin-

Well, I'm officially too rich to be poor.

We just came from a meeting to see if we could get a bit of financial assistance to cover some bills while we find work and get out of our current situation. Unfortunately, the amount they can give us (or could if we had a bunch of paperwork that we don't actually have, and didn't have any money at all) is less that just the student loan payments, let alone any of our other stuff. Hmm. So back to the job hunt I go, with renewed fervor.

So here I am at one of those wonderful government employment searching offices. I mean that seriously -- they're great places. Computers and printers and fax machines and all sorts of other resources for those aspiring to become employed. Right now, for better or for worse, I'm aiming lowish but not too low. Depressingly, most of the positions I'm looking at contain requirements such as "repetitive heavy liftting". I actually quite enjoy physical labour, but I've never done assembly line work and some of these sound extremely dull. And, of course, the pay's less than half of what I've been making for the last year. But, well, hey. Yeah.

Anyhow, I'd better print off a few more jobs before Crista and her father get back to pick me up. Wish me luck. It'll be good to be working again (knock on wood), but the whole process is still not a comfortable fit...

Take care
-J-

Hi all

Another week-and-a-half has passed. It's a strange phenomenon when time can move so slowly that an hour feels like a day, yet a week can go by almost unnoticed. Has to do with something about forests and trees or something. Feels a bit like the way Einstein explained Relativity -- an hour spent in the company of a pretty girl feels a lot shorter than 10 seconds with your hand on a stove. I'm paraphrasing that story to a horrible degree. Oh well. I'm sure everyone's favourite frizzy-haired physicist wouldn't mind too much.

James mentioned, in an e-mail, that he felt my writing had been in a bit of a slump lately, owing to the difficulties I've been going through. I agree with him, and gave some thought to the reasons behind the decline. It's pretty simple, actually --  what I'm writing is trying to be too many different things. It's trying to both reveal and conceal at the same time, which is a line which is generally only well-tread by good art.

What I'm trying to do is both tell you about my life, yet keep my life concealed from you. Normally I'm much more open here, but since the circumstances involve a number of other people, and since my exact identity is completely open and accessible, I don't think it it's appropriate for me to reveal too many details. So what we end up with is me trying to cloak mundane diary entries in more mystery than they can really handle. Art, songs, poems... they thrive on vagueness and metaphor. But when you try to say ordinary things without the deatils, all you get is mud.

Nevertheless, I don't intend to stop writing. It's a way for me to express certain things, connect with some of you out in the rest of the world. I enjoy it. I'm pleased that you come and read what I have to say, even when I make it difficult for you to do so. Friends don't always need to know exactly what's going on to be able to empathize.

As always, thanks for dropping by. I hope you're well and happy.

Take care
-Justin-

Things continue.

Certain aspects are improving, with less sharp edges to make the ride bumpy. But it's a constant dialogue to try and keep things progressing. I'm still very jumpy, knowing that I could be called to action at any moment, and the demands remain, well, demanding. There's a lot of pain floating around, of various shapes and forms. So many small details which make huge ripples in our already bubbling pond. The future is beginning to nip at the edges of the present, but though it has some pressing issues, the here and now is not yet ready to release me.

In less cryptic news, I've made a couple of cool purchases. First, we acquired a brand new CD burner for only $20. It's a $130 unit, on sale for 70$. Then we got an open-box one, so they took off another $10, and finally there's a $50 mail-in rebate. Very cool. The only problem is it's detined for the good computer, but we had to leave the monitor in Korea, and I won't be able to afford to replace it until I'm working, and I can't work until our current circumstances improve a little. But oh well. At least we have our old machine (which I'm using to post this), so we're still connected.

The other purchase is musical. We were walking downtown when I passed a photography shop. In the window were a couple of posters from a folk music festival back in August, and a couple of very cool musical instruments. I couldn't resist, and had to go inside to take a look. One was a bouzouki, which I'm familiar with. It was also way out of my price range. But the other was very nifty-looking, and turned out to be a kind of Hungarian zither called a citera. It's reminiscent of an appalacian dulcimer, though with more strings. Very cool. It also turned out to be a fabulous price. I couldn't refuse, especially since my wife was uncharacteristically encouraging me to buy it (especially since she hadn't been able to get me a birthday present last month). So I'm now the proud owner! It'll need a little adjusting of some of the frets, and I have to investigate the tuning, but I'm very pleased.

And, lastly, after many weeks, my appetite has returned. It seems like I'm hungry and wanting to munch all the time. Hopefully it's a good sign...

So that's where things stand right at the moment. Thanks for all your comments and encouragement. I'll do my best to keep visiting everyone.

Take care
-Justin-

Hi all

Thanks to everyone who has wished us a happy return to Canada. It's good to be here, in a way at least. It's a big relief in some ways, but my status remains unchanged in a number of important ways. Part of me had allowed myself a little teeny bit of hope that some of the dark clouds currently overshadowing my little family unit would disperse when I got here. Unfortunately, that was not to be. We're still playing Sisyphus, endlessly pushing that rock up the hill, just waiting for it to roll back down.

I don't mean to sound gloomy, but my life feels heavy right now. I feel kind of like a fly caught in a chunk of amber, unable to move forward in the present or to make plans for the future. I do have an exciting potential job offer for February/March, but I feel unable to let myself feel excited about it right now. It seems like all enjoyment is on hold, along with most emotion. I don't even laugh much anymore, and that's pretty significant since anyone will tell you that I laugh pretty much nonstop under most circumstances.

But anyhow, no need to keep darkening your day with my current plight. I will ask the favour that you keep praying and sending out good energy our way. I know that we'll get through this, but that doesn't make it feel much better in the here and now. I'm going to go now and prepare for the rest of the day. Hope you're all doing well. Thanks for reading and caring.

Take care
-Justin-

Well, as strange and bizarre as it is to say, we're in Canada. We got on the plane in Korea at 5pm on Sunday the 19th, and arrived in Vancouver at 11am on Sunday the 19th. Yes, that's right, we arrived in Canada several hours before we left Korea. The International Date Line is cool. Anyhow, then we went through Customs, re-checked our baggage, and flew to Toronto. Crista's aunt and uncle picked us up and brought us here to her parents' house. So here we are in Cambridge, Ontario. Our brains are still very confused and we're definitely in need of sleep, but our arrival here marks some serious progress, and hopefully a turning point in our ongoing difficulties.

One good thing is that because of our ridiculous schedule lately, we won't get jetlag. We haven't slept more than an hour a day for a long time, and day and night blend together, and we've become disconnected from linear time...

But anyhow, I'm not really lucid enough to be typing right now, so I'd better start moving toward bed. Thanks for all the prayers and good energy that you've been sending our way. It's been a big help. We still have a lot to deal with, relative to my wife's health, the debts we've incurred, the mountain of paperwork we have to take care of, and the fact that we have no plans for what exactly we're supposed to do now that we're back in Canada, so continued prayers are still very welcome. I'll try and get around and read everyone's blogs as soon as I can.

Take care
-Justin-

Okeedokee.
Well, it's time to pack up our stuff, including the computer. Feels scary. I'm finished my job, and we have plane tickets leaving Korea on Sunday the 19th at 5pm. I have so much I want to write, but no time. But I'll try and keep you updated from train stations and airports and whatever. Thanks for your continuing support.

Take care
-Justin-

A short walk from the land of the blind
This new trail, flattened with repetition
Packed and bustling and deliberately slow
Such beauties amid the smell of garbage
The ten different answers to every question
The young, to whom all this means something different
And the younger, to whom all this shall pass.
A dirty man, not exactly fat
Sells kittens from a cardboard box
Swarms of buses grumble past
And taxis fill the spaces left between
So many ways to get to so many places
I suppose.
Each crossing holds a hundred people
Each corner waits as many seconds
Sirens blare and squawl but wait like the rest
Heard for an instant then dissolve
Into the general aftertaste.
I fear the slower spinning of the world
As it waits, preparing to pounce
Slip from my grasp
Go where it must to resove itself
Find an orbit more to its liking.
A man stops and asks me for directions,
Cutting me free to continue.

Even been in one of those situations where it's horrible at first, but then gets a little easier every day? Well, I sure with this was one of those situations

But time keeps on moving, and I have no choice but to keep on making these horrible decisions that need to be made, hold on tight, keep praying, and trust that all of this will work out for the best (whatever that happens to be...)

Thanks for your prayers and good wishes. They make a real difference. Keep it up

Take care
-Justin-