July 20, 2009

• Preparations

  I can hear the cicadas outside as I sit here sipping coffee and trying to get moving with all the things I have to do. The floor is covered with boxes, the shelves all stand half-empty, and in less than 2 weeks, this apartment will be somebody else's home.

  My wife is halfway across the country, in the city of our destination, looking so far without success for an apartment for us there. One way or another, we're leaving Cambridge and moving to St. John's. I'm finally ditching this job that's been killing me, and going back to university. While my mind is still filled with a million worries and doubts, just the act of changing things fundamentally is worth the doing, even if it doesn't work out the way I plan.  Vitality in my life has always come from movement. Stasis, especially in depressing circumstances, brings nothing but more stasis and despair.

  I have so many hopes and dreams, as do we all. But these past 5 years have kind of robbed me of the ability to figure out how I might get from here to there. In approaching this move I'm still flying blind in that department, but I'm taking a leap of faith. Even though I don't always feel it, I know in my heart that I'm still the as capable and interesting as I ever was (whatever that means) and that I can reclaim for myself a life that is full of things I enjoy.

  And so I return to my endless To Do list, trying to cross off as many every day as I can. My wife is terrified that she'll get back here and find the apartment exactly as she left it, so I have to make sure that's not the case . Bits and pieces, tasks and appointments, moments and memories, and a light at the end of the tunnel.

  Take care
  -J-

  • 1:35 pm
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