July 18, 2007

• The Scary Lotion Lady

  I guess it's all in the perspective.

  At our local mall, at a booth in the middle of the hall, there's an attractive woman with a sexy foreign accent. This woman, when you walk by, comes over to you, speaks to you in a seductive voice, and then proceeds to rub lotion on you. I suspect that to a great number of men, this alone would be sufficient motivation to swing by the mall. Sexy lady.... free lotion rubbing...

  To me, however, she's terrifying. With her eagle eyes, she scans the crowd, pouncing instantly on any unsuspecting shopper who ventures past. In a flash, before you even know it, lotion is being applied sensually to your hands or arms, sexily-accented verbiage is being tossed around, proclaiming the virtues of Dead Sea minerals, and, if she has her way, you're more than halfway toward a purchase.

  I've never reacted well toward any kind of forceful marketing. At the slightest whiff of pressure, I head for the hills. I tense up when, as I'm browsing in a store, an attendant asks if I need any help with anything, and if I know that they're on commission I almost never even venture inside in the first place. If you're a salesperson, I'm not the one you're looking for. I actually shop very little, ouside of groceries. I buy used stuff whenever possible, always research a product thoroughly before considering it, and rarely make an impulse buy over 10 bucks. This comes from a lifetime of living with little money, and a desire to only buy things which I have a very good chance of enjoying. I don't do "retail therapy". Buying things stresses me out.

  So when an attactive woman (I'm quite shy, and happily married) comes up to me and tries to sell me expensive (I'm poor) lotion (which I don't need) in a forceful way (help!), what you get is someone who now avoids that part of the mall. I figured she'd only be there a week or two, since that's how long most of the booths stay, but it's been almost 2 months now. If it's just a quick trip, I simply don't go into that section, and if I'm there a bit longer, I'll actually walk all the way around, down a totally different hallway, to avoid going past her lair. This takes almost 5 minutes longer, in either direction.

  But the alternative is too frightening to consider.

  • 12:48 am
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