August 2, 2006
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What a Difference a Year Makes
or
Time Flies When You're Having Fun
Today (August 1st, though the entry says 2nd since I seem to be posting after midnight) marks the one-year anniversary of my father's death. I knew that this day would come quickly, but I can quite honestly say that it's difficult to believe that 12 months have passed. In case you hadn't guessed, my titles above are meant somewhat sarcastically.It's been... a year. My first instinct is to say that it's been a stupid, useless, crappy, wasted year. But that woudn't tell the whole story. There have undoubtedly been some good and positive things, though they're hard to focus on since the year as a whole didn't really go anything like I might have hoped. For each negative aspect, I'm sure there's a positive one. I stayed in this job I hate and didn't really make much progress toward the life I eventually want to happen, but I also kept the bills paid and began clearing out some debt (not much, but a little). I'm still living in this city I'm not particularly attached to, but I'm slowly learning to like bits of it. I'm still far from my family, but I had a wonderful trip to visit them...
My father wouldn't want me to be miserable. He himself wasn't always able to figure out where he wanted to be or how to get there, so at least I'm in good company
I keep trying my best to get back to being human. I've started writing again, I've been researching schooling and potential career choices, I get semi-regular haircuts... Not all the steps are big ones, but I'm trying to learn to take my progress where I can get it.Anyhow, though the heat may not let me sleep, I should at least try going to bed. Time is slowly healing this empty place in my heart, but my self-induced exhaustion isn't helping. So here's a little hello and I love you to my dearly departed Daddy. Wish you were here.
Take care
-J-
Comments (4)
an amazingly beautiful photograph,
i believe most people really haven't experienced love, they might think they have or say they have but their experience or expression of love seems to be devoid to me. perhaps based on dependancy, fear, or emptieness that finds comfort just having another person to be around. Your blog last year was truly filled with a deep understanding of what love is, and this photo speaks to me of that love that you had for your Dad and couldn't have had without that love being returned by him. you both were very blessed, and this year must have been extremely difficult. i am gladdened to hear that your heart is beginning to feel some inner warmth.-g
It's been a long year and a short year at the same time. Missing your Dad is a good thing. Not because he's gone but because missing him keeps him close.
You were truly blessed to have such a wonderful Dad and he was blessed to have a loving son.
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