May 4, 2005

  • Hi

    Another Wednesday night rolls around and finds me bracing for another
    week at work. This last one was not pleasant. It felt interminable,
    with several days where I was jut dragging myself through. My
    efficiency percentage rating (based on how fast I get stuff done in
    relation to how fast they think I should be going) has been plummeting,
    although I did receive another two perfect quality audits, so at least
    I'm still doing a decent job. I'm just sort of feeling several kinds of
    lousy. My physical energy level is low, and my muscles have been aching
    in that way that usually indicates a lack of calories. Many days they
    feel like they're filled with concrete. It's the big orders that kill
    me -- the ones made up of 300-400 boxes stacked 7 feet high. Give me an
    order with 75, 50lb boxes over one with 400 teeny ones any day. Must be
    an attention span thing or something...

    So yeah. Feeling kind of low. It's not terrible, but it means
    constantly keeping tabs on myself, to combat the feelings of
    hopelessness or being trapped or whatever. Nip them before they take
    over my whole mood. Because really, things are not that bad. they just
    feel that way sometimes. My stress level has been really high lately
    too, even though I don't notice it most of the time. My temper has been
    closer to the surface, and I actually got angry and swore at someone at
    work the other day (which is completely out of character for me).

    In a way, my recent mood has been a lot like the weather was on Monday.
    Strange day. Started out cold and rainy, got warmer, got sunny, rained
    a little more, got sunny again, hailed for a few minutes, got sunny,
    rained, hailed for the better part of half an hour, then settled on a
    sort of sun ringed by heavy clouds.

    Not trying to be a downer here. I just tend to lose my focus at the end
    of the weekend. All the fascinating thoughts I had to write about
    vanish, and all I can think about is my stupid emotional
    preoccupations. Somehow, my entries have been way too human lately
      I always sort of intend to be literary and thought-provoking,
    but I end up with more of a diary sort of thing.

    Anyhow, I'm going to go. It's 10pm, so already an hour past my bedtime.
    We're going to watch the DVD special features for Finding Neverland,
    which we rented last night. Great movie. I'm constantly impressed by
    the subtlety of Johnny Depp's work.

    So, 'night all.

    Take care
    -J-

Comments (14)

  • Sorry you're feeling so low, Justin. I really wish I could help perk you up.

    I've been wanting to rent Finding Neverland, but my family keeps saying no. *sigh*

  • If there's one thing I've always admired about you, Justin, it's your humanity.   Like Liz, I wish I could say or do something to make the days seem brighter, though I know your guts, good humour and perseverance do that in spades.

    Take care and may the clearest and cleanest of the blue skies find you, my friend.

    Best regards,

    Paul

  • Hey you jerk! Lighten up! I wrote two xanga entries recently and you haven't even been by to notice! (Byron rubbing off on me. What do you think? I feel a bit like an asshole myself.)

    No really, I feel for you. I don't know if you want to hear this Justin, but your job sounds like a bit of a soul-sucker. I know you have responsibilites and all that, but there are other job options out there that could make you happy and make use of all your tremendous creative capacity. Just a thought.

    I was working a soul-sucking job that greatly contributed to feelings of depression, dead-endedness, lack of creativity, etc. Someone asked me "What would you do if you weren't afraid or if there weren't any obsticles in the way?" I said "I would go and get my yoga teacher-training and become a yoga teacher." Then I prayed about it and took some small steps, while some bigger steps were taken without any help from me and then it happend. Now I do a job that I love and that fills me up rather than empties me out. I'm not saying that this is necessarily the same situation for you, but from my experience, the signs of dissatisfation are there in what you say. If it is the case that your situation is similar to mine, I just want to say that it is possible to make your dreams a reality. It is very possible.

    I don't know if that was helpful or hurtful. I hope it was the former, but if it was the latter, I do appologise. I don't appologise for calling you a jerk (hee hee).

    Much love to you my friend,

    Sara

  • I love you Justin.

    Even the great Justin Burnett is allowed a few asshole points.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  I have to kind of agree with mini's observation here.  If the shoe fits, wear it, but not if you'll have to amputate your foot because the shoe just barely fits to the point of being a shoe made by and for assholes so that assholes lose circulation in their feet, and thereby lose their feet in a desperate attempt to reduce the asshole population of the world by taking away their feet, or something.

    oh, and you are what you eat.

    -B

  • uhhh... yaa the trip was funn...

  • How bad is that bad?

  • I hope you get to feeling a little more up. I always think of you as someone in a constant state of positive mood so when you're feling a bit down it's almost frightening.

  • You usually don't have to wait that long for treatment here.  I've heard the horror stories of Canada's health care system.  The wait here has to do with the worker's comp and the general increase in injuries that happen this time of year in Oklahoma.

  • When we do our best in a job that is not suitable and we keep going and going..it takes it's toll.  You may also be getting the flu....but whatever.  Take stock.  I have spent most of my life over excelling in jobs that I liked but the owners did not think I was their cup of tea.  It took 66 years to find the final cut...and that is what it is....Good luck

  • Its nice to have met someone new. How was the finding Neverland movie. I love Depps work.  I hope to read more about you .

  • Did you know that if you highlight the smiley face it becomes a weird sad face. How odd.

  • oh, I saw " Finding Neverland",too ! I enjoyed..I like charactor of jonny depp, but I rather like his long heair style.. I saw his this heair style first time, I felt few less his fasinate in image..however, perter pan writer was very wonderful person eventhough his wife get few pitty...I like your writing..descrived your honesty charactor..and yes, I knew that panteon imitate from Roma.. /N *

  • I've been there, but not with cardboard boxes, but I can feel your pain. In about 15 years from now, you will be laughing about all those boxes, I promise!!

    Something brighter may be coming around the horizon, faster than you think!

  • The black dog of depression is getting above himself.  Push him off and let him know who runs things. It sure as hell shouldn't be a dog.

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