November 27, 2001

  • The human mood is a strange thing.


    Today I dressed up nice, took the bus downtown, and had a meeting with the owner of Living Rooms. It was interesting. I have always found self-promotion to be extremely difficult, and even though I'm getting better at it, It still wears me down like nothing else. I don't even really mind promoting the things I've made, but since I didn't have any examples with me, today was about convincing her that I am a worthy furniture-maker, not convincing her that my furniture is good. It's a subtle but highly influential difference.


    So yeah. We met. The meeting did not result in anything resembling a firm deal, but thankfully me natural pessimism braced me for that. She listed the reasons why they hardly ever buy locally, and I don't think any of them actually apply to me, so in fact the news wasn't that bad. But I've still been fighting for the whole rest of the evening to keep from slipping into depression and worthlessness. I even went to see Harry Potter, but while I enjoyed it, it didn't rescue my mood.


    And so... What I need to do is send her my portfolio, and tailor it to demonstrate that her concerns are unfounded. They include issues of pricing, finish, and visual appeal. I think I can overcome them. The real trick is going to be to keep myself from becoming discouraged for long enough to actually get the portfolio submitted. Because it's not dead by any means. But it could die just like that if I don't actively move it along.


    So yeah.


    So tentatively I'm flying home at 5:15 Wednesday evening, which leaves me Tuesday to do whatever. Unfortunately, "whatever" almost definitely means spending money I really don't have right now. Even plain old bus fare can add up. Despite my best intentions, I've spent significantly more than I should this trip. And while the plane ticket is only going to run $75, that's still money that's going to spend a good while on the Mastercard.


    But looking to the immediate future, hopefully I have the ability to lift myself up. I'll have 3 days to build up more stock for the sale this Sunday, and then 3 Sundays after that before Christmas. If I keep focused and inspired, working and cheerful, I can prove that I'm a worthwhile and productive member of society. I'm not sure who I'm trying to prove that to exactly... I keep feeling that others are judging me and finding me wanting. But it's probably mostly paranoia. It would be nice to pay off the Mastercard though...


    Anyhow, before this entry bloats any further, I'm going to grab a snack and grab some sleep.


    And so it goes


    Take care
    -J-